A lesson learned in Alabama, clad in anonymity.

Saturday, September 21st, 2019 

Shalimar, FL

It’s 8am EST and I am waking up in the Bob Hope Village retirement community. I am staying in a designated guest apartment, which has the exact same setup as a resident’s apartment. As I am getting ready, I particularly enjoy the extra-large bathroom, which is almost as big as the kitchen. 

Once I am ready for the day, I find some packets of coffee grounds and make myself a cup. I slowly sip the hot coffee while watching the incredibly bright sun beams down onto the front lawn. 

By 9am I am dutifully knocking on my grandmother’s door. She is still getting ready and asks me to help with the budgeting and cash management for the day. She hands me an envelope of cash and assures me that I should not feel guilty about spending money today. She is speaking my language. 

Today we are celebrating my grandmother’s 93rd birthday at the Atmore Casino in Alabama. It’s about a 2-hour drive away, so we still have time for brunch in Shalimar. 

By 10am I am loading up my grandmother’s walker into the rental car. She requests a stop at Sally’s Beauty Supply for some hairspray and I comply. I end up buying a pair of sunglasses for myself. Arriving here without sunglasses was a small side effect of taking a flight that left before sunrise. 

The next stop is brunch. My grandmother suggests a French bakery, which is one of her favorite places. When we arrive I realize there are no low-carb options and I immediately make the decision to go all in. After all, today is a celebration. I order a cappuccino and 2 cream puffs and am incredibly satisfied. I also grab a coffee to go before starting the 2-hour drive to Atmore. 

The drive is really nice. It’s been a while since I’ve been on a road trip and I am enjoying the relaxed conversation. When we arrive at the casino, my grandmother informs me that I need to check in to get a player’s card and tickets to the buffet. She tells multiple employees that it’s her 93rd birthday and probably her last trip to the casino. I try to keep a straight face, but it’s incredibly funny to watch their faces oscillate between forced empathy and utter discomfort. Well, I guess we’ll have to find a new casino next year. 

We start off with a lap around the casino floor. It’s all penny slot machines, which is exactly where my grandmother excels in gambling. Since I am in charge of the cash, I start each of us off with 3 20 dollar bills. At first, I cheer my grandmother on and only push the button on my machine every once in a while. I really do not want to burn through all of her birthday cash and I know from previous experience that I do not excel in the art of penny slot machine gambling. Eventually, she catches on and tells me to stop being a wimp. Fine. I start playing for real.

After a few hours of breaking even, my grandmother wants to go into the high limit room. I have never been in a high limit room and decide this is a good idea. On the way in my grandmother explains to the attendant that she’s 93 years old and this is her last trip to the casino. We both sit a machine with a $5 minimum bet. I feel sick to my stomach as I hand my grandmother a crisp, twenty-dollar bill. I hold my breath as she pushes the button and it’s gone within seconds. We spend another 10 minutes and $80 in the high limit room. Eventually, I am able to guide her back to the penny slots. That was the most stress that I’ve experienced in a while. 

Near the end of the day, I start winning a lot. I win back all of my investment, plus $60. When I cash out, I’m actually given a $100 bill. I take like 10 selfies with my winnings. This was fun. 

The next stop is the dinner buffet. We have tickets for the full buffet plus two buckets of crab legs, my grandmother’s favorite food. We start off with the crab legs. We are both given a pair of seafood scissors but, honestly, neither of us knows what to do with them. My grandmother says there is a trick to getting the meat out, but she doesn’t remember what it is. 

Eventually, a kindhearted waitress comes to our table and gives us both a lesson on eating crab legs. By the end of the bucket, we are both experts. I am secretly happy to have learned this lesson in Alabama, clad in anonymity.  

After the crab legs, I fill my plate with a variety of fantastic food including baked clams, smoked sausage, and crab au gratin, which is basically crab meat with queso on top... and a surprisingly good idea. I even manage to save room for the dessert bar, where I find a no-bake cookie. This takes me back to my childhood in Tennessee. I have not seen a no-bake cookie in at least 20 years. I am unreasonably happy about this. 

By 6pm we are back on the road to Shalimar. Around 8pm, just as it’s getting dark, we arrive home. This is the perfect time to open the bottle of wine that I bought last night. my grandmother insists that I sit in the comfortable chair, while she takes the couch. I am tired, perfectly relaxed and the wine is delicious. 

By the time I leave, security has already closed the lobby for the evening. A guard has to escort me out of the front door and I am worried that he’ll know I and my grandmother have been drinking. Spending time in a retirement community sure can sure make you feel like a kid again. 

I easily make it back to my guest apartment and quickly fall asleep for the evening. What a fun day. 

A welcome fit for a queen

Friday, September 20th, 2019 

Los Angeles, CA and Shalimar, FL

It’s 3:30am PST and I am waking up for my 6:30am flight to Destin, FL. Admittedly I could have slept until 4am, but I wanted time for coffee and meditation and it’s not like 4am is any less painful that 3:30am. 

Around 5am I arrive at LAX and are through security in a matter of minutes. TSA pre-check can really come in handy sometimes. I buy another cup of coffee and find an empty gate where I can play Pokemon Go and listen to music while waiting for my flight. 

The flight to Atlanta is uneventful. Once we land, I have an hour to kill at the airport. I buy a cheeseburger for lunch and a liter of water for later. 

I finally land in Destin at 4pm CST. When I check-in for my rental car, the attendant asks if I would like to upgrade the car for only a few dollars. As she walks through the pricing, it quickly becomes clear that the upgrade is significantly more. She is talking incredibly slow, however. I breathe slowly through my nose in order to tolerate this conversation. 

Once I am finally out of the airport, I set my GPS to a Publix that is close to my grandmother’s place. I stop to buy a small plant and card as part of her birthday present. 

I finally arrive at the Bob Hope Village at 5pm. I drive around for a few minutes before I find Hawthorn House, an assisted living facility, for members of the retirement community. My grandmother lives in a private apartment on the first floor. I knock on the door and she is dramatically happy to see you. She really knows how to make someone feel welcome. 

It takes nearly an hour for her to finish getting ready, but it’s not really a big deal, since our dinner reservation is not until 7pm. We spend this time happily talking and catching up on each other’s lives. 

It takes some extra time to find the Bay Cafe, but it comes highly recommended and I think that it’s worth the effort. When we arrive we are seated on a large wooden deck that overlooks a small inlet of ocean water. It’s beautiful outside and when I see the menu I become even more excited. 

We order an appetizer of crab claws and I get the grouper Wellington for dinner. I also order a glass of the house chardonnay, which, admittedly, is not as impressive as the food or atmosphere, but I am still happy. Dinner is amazing and we finish it off with a creme brûlée and cup of coffee. 

On the way back my grandmother begins to insist that I stop at Publix for a bottle of wine. I will not argue with that. 

It’s 10pm by the time we return to the Bob Hope Village. I am extremely tired. We both agree to call it a night and save the wine for tomorrow. 

I drop her off at Hawthorne house and retreat to a guest apartment down the street. I am grateful for my own space and am fast asleep within a matter of minutes.  

There's nothing wrong with communism-themed travel.

Tuesday, August 27th, 2019 

Prague, Czech Republic and Los Angeles, CA

It’s 8am and I am waking up. Today I will fly back to Los Angeles and I am already feeling sad. We spend almost a full hour getting ready and packing up my large backpack. I somehow manage to fit 2 liters of beer into my pack, but now I can barely pick it up. 

Around 9am, Sarah and I sit down for breakfast. I spend most of the time organizing photos and documenting various activities. 

By 10am we walking to the metro. This hotel is the farthest from the metro of any hotel that we’ve stayed in and my backpack is the heaviest it’s ever been. It’s a rough commute, but we finally arrive at the airport at 11am. It takes a few minutes to figure out where to check-in and, once I find it, I learn that it will not open for another 30 minutes. I sit quietly at a Starbucks while Sarah completes her check-in process. 

Eventually, the line opens ups. Check-in goes quickly but I am sent to a special area to drop my bag since it’s so heavy. I knew it was extra heavy and a small part of me feels validated that the Prague airport agrees. 

Next, we pass through a passport verification checkpoint. My immigration officer smiles when he sees my stamp from Cuba and mentions that it sounds like a fun trip. I think that he may be making fun of my interest in communism-themed travel, but I beam with pride nonetheless; that is my favorite stamp. 

I quickly pass through security and walk Sarah to her gate, where there is another security checkpoint. After only 20 minutes, it’s time for Sarah to start boarding, we say our goodbyes and I meander to my own gate. My flight is slightly delayed, but I still make it to London in time to catch the next flight. 

The final flight home is very nice. I am seated in business class and am served an amazing lunch of stewed beef and veggies, with several glasses of wine. I watch a few movies and take a long nap. 

I arrive in LA in the late afternoon and have just enough time for dinner and some TV, before an early bedtime. As I lay in bed I think that Eastern Europe was the perfect mix of alcohol, sausage and art.  

Asleep at the dinner table

Monday, August 26th, 2019 

Prague, Czech Republic

It’s 9:30am CES and I am slowly waking up. We take our time getting ready for the day and am eating breakfast at the hotel by 10:15am. The breakfast area is crowded and the coffee comes out of a machine in single servings. As I wait patiently for my turn, I start to miss Los Angeles, land of the 20 ounce, to-go cup of coffee. Eventually, it's my turn and I am rewarded with 4 ounces of black coffee. 

As Sarah and I eat breakfast together, she points out a cat-shaped decanter on the bar across the room. This place is cute. 

After breakfast we head over to Petrin Hill, which is a big hill in the middle of town, with a large, metal tower on top, that is shaped like the Eiffel tower. The walk to the bottom of the hill is easy. When we arrive at the base, we find the funicular, along with a very long line of tourists waiting for a ride to the top of the hill. We decide to walk. 

The path up the hill is charming. We pass by several statues and viewpoints. At one point we pass an empty beer garden that is attached to someone’s house. We vow to stop here on the way back. About 30 minutes later, we arrive at the top of the hill. I am surprised to find a miniature complex of ice cream and drink carts, a small church, and a rose garden. 

First things first, we check-in at the tower. For a small fee, we can take a series of elevators and stairs to the top of the tower where we’ll be rewarded with a panoramic view of Prague. We take the elevator to the first observation deck. The view is nice, but we want to go all the way to the top. Sarah and I embark on a narrow spiral staircase. At first, we are surrounded by solid walls, but as we approach the top, the stairs continue to narrow and the walls are replaced by a cage. Wow, we are far up. I am not prepared for the sense of panic that suddenly overcomes me. I power through to the top but am unable to lose contact with the inner wall to fully enter the viewing area. It’s okay though, I can see plenty from my current position. I force myself to take a picture, even though my brain and my stomach are screaming at me to get back down. 

Once we are back on the ground I feel relief and then am immediately overcome with thirst. It’s getting hot outside and I have not drank any water today. I buy a few bottles of water and then wander over to the rose garden. The view is amazing and Sarah and I take some time to sit on a park bench and enjoy nature. 

On the way back down the hill, we stop at the small beer garden and appear to be the first customers of the day. That’s okay though, it’s five o clock somewhere. We order two beers and sit at the table with the best view. The decor is super kitschy and the view of Prague is amazing. On a whim I decide that I would like to have dessert for lunch, a trdelnik to be specific. Sarah agrees this is a good idea and we finish the walk to the bottom of the hill. 

On the way to the main square we stop in a quaint candy shop, that’s in the shape of a pirate’s ship. This is so cute, but I do not buy any candy. I am on a mission for a grander dessert. When we finally arrive at the main square there are at least 5 trdelnik stands to choose from. A trdelnik is a dessert built for people on vacation. It's essentially a cone-shaped donut, filled with whipped cream and a fruit of your choice. I choose strawberry. 

We spend the rest of the afternoon wandering the streets of Prague and attempting to shop. I am prepared to buy clothes and would like to find something unique, but am just not inspired. Around 4pm we decide that it’s time to try out some of the famous Prague breweries. 

First stop is U Fleku. This is one of the oldest breweries in Europe, having been in operation for over 500 years. It’s actually more of a complex than a brewery with 9 different beer halls. We opt to sit outside in the beer garden and easily find seats at the end of a long picnic table. This brewery only sells one kind of beer, which is dark and keeps track of the bill by giving us a piece of paper and adding tallies each time we’re served a round. I start my first beer and sadly it’s not very good. Sarah also points out a strange smell that I can all of the sudden not ignore. After one round we attempt to close out our tab, but can not get a server to take our money. Eventually, we decide to walk out slowly and someone finally stops to take our payment. 

Well, that was a flop. Next, we try U Supu, which is a little newer, but still well known. We are shown to a nice table on the patio and offered a menu of beer from which we can actually choose the kind that we want. I already like this place better. I order an amber beer and it tastes amazing. The menu also looks great and we end up ordering a variety of cheese and sausage to share. Soon a Chinese family sits at the table next to us. I am worried it will get too loud, but instead, the opposite happens. I notice the matriarch of the family is asleep in her chair. I can relate. 

After a nice, long dinner I end up buying a few liters of beer to bring back home. Sarah and I walk back to the hotel to drop off the beer and then decide to take a walk by the river. We quickly find a little pub, with lawn chairs sitting right next to the river. Sarah and I grab two chairs, which are incredibly comfortable. We slowly sip on beer, while watching the riverboats pass by. 

Around 10pm we decide to continue the adventure down the river to a wall of Beatles-themed graffiti known as the John Lennon wall. The surrounding neighborhood is cute and eventually, we find the wall. We try taking a few photos, but the light is too low for any of them to come out. 

We slowly meander back through town to the hotel. I am tired and tomorrow will be a long day. 

Did not see that coming

Sunday, August 25th, 2019 

Vienna, Austria and Prague, Czech Republic

It’s 9am CES and I am waking up after a great night’s sleep. By 9:30am Sarah and I are at the hotel breakfast bar. I enjoy my standard breakfast of coffee and sausage while we plan out the day. 

The first stop is the imperial apartments at the Hofburg, located in the main square. It’s still early when we arrive, so the wait for tickets is only a few minutes. The Hofburg was previously an imperial palace, where the Habsburg dynasty lived in the winter. Today it is part museum and part residence and office to the President of Austria. 

Our tour encompasses 18 rooms, mostly dedicated to working space, dining rooms, and living areas of the Hapsburg family. One of the rooms was the dedicated dressing room for Empress Sisi, where she spent hours each morning having her ankle-length hair attended to. 

After the tour, we realize that our tickets also allow entrance to the museum’s silver collection. We spend about 30 minutes wandering around various rooms. I do not bother reading the history behind the collection, instead, I just appreciate its sheer opulence.

We spend the rest of the morning at a nearby coffee shop. The service is incredibly slow, but our server is very charming and explains that her dream is to move to California and practice yoga. I can tell that she would fit right in. 

After coffee, we walk back to the main street to do some light shopping before lunch. I want to find something to bring back for my coworkers, but all of the souvenir shops are filled with junk. Eventually, Sarah and I get the idea to go to a local grocery store to find tea and chocolate. Sarah directs us into a store called Billa. This is one of the main grocery stores in Austria. I am immediately excited - this store is at least two-thirds meat and cheese! I pick out some tea and chocolates and am very happy with my purchase. 

We have time for lunch and a beer before our train to Prague. We stop at the first cafe that we see. The menu has a dish that translates to “floating sausage” and I can not help but order it. My plate arrives with a small bowl with a lid. When I open the lid I am surprised to find a singular piece of sausage afloat in a clear broth. Honestly, I did not see that coming. 

Lunch is okay but takes longer than expected. Sarah and I quickly return to the hotel to get our bags and then take the subway back to the main station. Soon we are aboard the train to Prague. 

The train ride is 4 hours. I drink a few beers but mostly stare out of the window. I am happy to be sitting down. It's 9pm by the time we arrive in Prague. We quickly check into our hotel and then start looking for a cafe for dinner. To our surprise nothing close by is open. We eventually find a diner in another hotel. I order a cheeseburger and a glass of chardonnay. The diner turns out to be very charming and, against all odds, Sarah and I enjoy a nice, long dinner. 

By the time we are done, it’s 11:30pm. We walk back to the hotel and order 2 more glasses of wine. Just as we are opening the door to the hotel courtyard, we are informed that it’s closed and we have to stay in the indoor bar area. The music inside is loud and slow, but we make the best of it. By midnight we are heading upstairs to go to sleep. 

The tragedy of Sisi

Saturday, August 24th, 2019 

Vienna, Austria 

It’s 6:45am CES and we are waking up extra early to beat the crowds to the Schönbrunn Palace. At 7am, sharp Sarah and I are at the hotel breakfast buffet. Over a few cups of amazing coffee, we discover that we can buy timed tickets for the palace online for a discount. We decide to purchase tickets for 10am to allow time to walk through the gardens before it gets too hot outside. After a very satisfying breakfast, we start the process of taking multiple trams to get to the Palace, which is located just outside of town. 

We arrive by 8:45am and have just the right amount of time to wander the courtyard and large garden behind the palace. While the garden has some splashes of flowers and color, it’s mostly well-manicured lawns and straight lines of trees. Nonetheless, the open space is beautiful and mostly devoid of tourists. 

Around 10am we start our tour of the palace. We are shuffled through 40 different rooms, including the private apartments for Emperor Franz Joseph and Empress Elisabeth. Most of the tour focuses on Elisabeth, who was also called Sisi. She was reluctant to accept court life but was loved dearly by the people and her husband. She gave birth to four children, three daughters and one son, who tragically died in a murder-suicide pact with his mistress at age 30. Sisi was murdered by an Italian anarchist at age 60.  

At 11:30am we are ready to leave the palace just a the crowds are pouring in. I am feeling grateful for the early start to our day. We head back to the main part of town and find a well-shaded cafe for lunch. I order a salad with tuna and sparkling water. I find this is a welcome departure from almost a full week of sausage and beer. 

After lunch, we go to the St Stephansplatz cathedral. It’s crowded, but we successfully shuffle around the perimeter, while Sarah points out items of interest using Rick Steve’s guidebook. The cathedral is grand and I take several photos of the art and architecture. 

Next, we stop for a cappuccino break. It’s nice to sit down for a minute and the caffeine reinvigorates us for the rest of the day. 

We make one last stop in the main square at St Peter’s cathedral, for a free bout of organ music. We arrive early and get a good seat in the pews. The music starts off quiet but eventually fills the entire room with organ pipes that are larger than any I have ever seen. 

Now that it’s almost 5pm, it’s time to go to the Vienna wine gardens, a place that has been at the top of my list for a while. Sarah and I take a series of trams to get out of town and to the first and largest wine garden called, Heuriger Kierlinger. Most of the seating is outside in a medium-sized courtyard filled with plants and vintage decorations. It feels rustic and I am charmed. There is a family, clearly, locals, celebrating a birthday close by and I am immediately jealous of their lifestyle. As it turns out, the wine is just okay, but the ambiance makes up for it. After one glass I am starting to get hungry and we decide to move on to another place for dinner. 

Next stop is Mayer Am Pfarrplatz. As we walk up a small hill on a deserted cobblestone street, I suddenly feel like we are really off the beaten path. We pass some empty apartment buildings with broken windows and in the diffused dusk light I think that it’s really pretty. When we enter Mayer, it becomes clear where all the people are. There are no cars or even bicycles out front and I silently try to figure out where they came from. 

We are seated at a long picnic table near the back. The wine menu here is much more robust and I order a red blend and Sarah orders a Pinot Noir. I love my wine and eventually am so hungry that I brave the cafe to order food at the counter. The language barrier is severe as Sarah and I just point at things in the deli case. I end up with blood sausage, sauerkraut, and a cheese plate. It's pretty much exactly what I wanted and I am feeling proud. 

After a few more rounds of wine, I wander back into the cafe to attempt to order dessert. I get the items to which I pointed but am ultimately disappointed in the dry, overly sweetened pastries. Sarah points out a small apartment attached to the outside of the main structure and says that it's Beethoven’s old apartment. It turns out that he summered here and, in 1817, worked on his ninth symphony while staying in this very apartment. 

Eventually, it becomes dark outside and I am feeling very tired. I convince Sarah to peek into one more heuriger, called Zimmermann, but ultimately we agree to not drink any more wine. 

We find our way back to central Vienna and decide to stop at the outdoor film fest to see what’s going on. It is Saturday night, after all. 

We drink one round of beer while watching the locals watch a movie in German. Around 11pm we walk back to the hotel. Today was a long day and we are beat.  

I'll have 2 of your best sausages and a bottle of champagne, please.

Friday, August 23rd, 2019 

Budapest, Hungary and Vienna, Austria 

It's 9am CES and I am slowly waking up. Laura has already left for her flight back to Austin. Sarah and I get ready for the day and then find a cafe that is just crowded enough to suggest good food. Brunch is long but also relaxing. We sit on the sidewalk, people watch and remain completely charmed by the streets of Hungary. 

After we finish brunch, we go back to the hotel to pick up our bags for our train to Vienna. The train ride lasts about 2.5 hours, of which I mostly listen to music. Once we are checked into our hotel in Vienna, it’s 2pm and extremely hot outside. We unanimously decide that it’s time for a beer break. We pick a cafe solely based on the amount of shade and luck out by finding one nestled in between two tall buildings. 

Sarah and I relax over 2 rounds of perfectly chilled, Austrian beer. We also take some time to organize our pictures, which are numerous and very repetitive. Eventually, we decide to head over to the Albertinaplatz art museum. 

The galleries are filled with Picassos and even some other artists that I know like Monet and Much. It’s nice to be out of the sun for a little bit and I am truly impressed by their collection. 

After the art museum, we decide that it’s time for dinner. Sarah and I walk to one of the many sausage carts in the main square. We each order 2 sausages and a small bottle of champagne. The price is higher than we expected, but we really want champagne and sausage, so we follow through. We sit on the steps of a large statue and take like 10 photos of each other. This is honestly one of the coolest of dinners that I’ve ever had. 

Now that day is starting to cool off, we walk to the main park for the Vienna film festival, which is free and open to the public. We enter into a courtyard lined with beer vendors and food trucks. We buy a round of beer and easily find a place to sit and people watch. Almost an hour later, a movie starts, which is projected on the side of one of the government buildings. The movie is black and white and even though its in German, we can still kind of follow it. We enjoy making up the parts that we can’t understand. Around 11pm we are tired and head back to the hotel for a good night’s sleep.