We'll have another round of blue margaritas.

Tuesday, September 20th 2016

Destin, FL

It’s 9am and I am waking up with sand in my bed. Actually, there is sand everywhere; it brings me great nostalgia from childhood vacations in this place. It takes me about 30 minutes to get ready and wander into the common area where my Dad is starting to cook and my Grandmother is watching Fox News.

Dad has acquired another box of Starbucks coffee and I love him for it. My Grandmother and I relocate outside while our breakfasts are made to order. We spend most of the morning lounging on the balcony before my Dad announces that it’s too hot and we move the party inside.

Around noon we all gather in the kitchen for the official birthday celebration. Dad has brought us all birthday hats, whistles, paper plates and napkins from home and special ordered an ice cream cake. I find all of this preparation adorable. After a few selfies and a (pretty bad) rendition of Happy Birthday we dig into the cake.

For the rest of the afternoon we all sit in the air conditioned living room intermittently watching Fox News and gazing at the ocean. Dad still seems mad about Grandmother calling him am idiot. He is picking on both me and her out of both boredom and spite. I can tell that my Grandmother does not have the energy to go back down to the beach and I can’t figure out a way to stop this dynamic. I take this time to zone out and contemplate how I will never understand the complexities of a relationship between an only child and his single mother. Eventually, I decide that my best course of action to ignore everyone.

Around 5pm the conversation turns to our birthday dinner plan. We eventually decide that Mexican food would be fun and we all gather into to the truck to go out to eat.

On the way to the restaurant we realize that my Grandmother forgot her cane at the condo. My Dad insists on immediately buying a new one (though he is simultaneously grumpy that he has spent too much money on this trip). I can take a hint offer to pay for the cane. Dad accepts.

Finally, we land at Don Pedro’s. We order a round of blue margaritas and I immediately know that this will be very bad or very awesome. There is some strange initial conversation about whether or not it’s appropriate for a man to have a trophy wife. I know it sounds weird but I find this conversation fascinating and my Grandmother to be delightfully feminist. Soon we are on round 2 of blue margaritas. I am definitely drunk. We stumble through more conversation about the role of women in society and are way too full of chips and salsa by the time our food arrives. We all make valiant attempts at eating our food and then decide to head back to the condo.

Once we are back inside my grandmother decides to go to sleep immediately. My Dad and I hang out for a little bit longer. We mostly talk about my other grandmother, whose health is not good. The conversation is dark and I dread the day when I have to watch my parents lose their parents.

Eventually we go to bed. Tomorrow is our last morning in this lovely condo.

I'll just go with the flow.

Monday, September 19th 2016

Destin, FL

It's 8am CST and my Dad is pounding on my bedroom door. I am unbelievably groggy. He is telling me that I need to pack up and move to another room right away. He has negotiated a room change and is demanding that move with military speed and precision. There is clearly no need for this level of alarm, but I am also not going to fight. I just go with the flow. Besides, it is kind of sweet how wrapped up my Dad has become with giving my Grandmother the perfect birthday experience.

Around 8:30am we are settled in our new room. To be fair, it is way better than our old room. It’s facing the ocean (the view is amazing) and it has 3 bathrooms! We each get our own bathroom! I almost feel guilty.

My Dad cooks breakfast while my Grandmother and I sit outside and look at the ocean. It’s pretty hot and humid but if Grandmother can handle it, then so can I. Breakfast is very good. My Dad even woke up early and bought a crate of coffee from Starbucks. After a long breakfast we decide to go shopping at one of those cheesy beach stores (I actually remember Alvin’s Island from when I was a kid – I can’t believe it’s still here!). Alvin’s looks about the same as I remember, though it seems smaller. My Grandmother insists on buying me and my Dad hats and T-shirts (even though it’s HER birthday). I just go with the flow and pick out my presents. On the way back to the condo my Dad pulls over and purchases a Styrofoam cooler and fills it with beer and ice. I am very excited about this beach day!

Getting down to the beach proves to be more challenging than expected. My grandmother uses a walker, which does not fare well on sand. Also, my Dad (true to form) has brought a huge bag, full of random stuff and we still have to carry the cooler. Somehow, I end up in charge of the cooler and my grandmother, while my Dad carries the bag.

We finally settle down and open our beers. This is very nice. I casually mention that I would like to try paddle boarding at some point and Dad kicks into high gear. Before I know it, he has purchased an hour of paddle board time and I am being safety briefed by a lifeguard who is literally half my age. My Grandmother is giggling the entire time; she thinks that I should marry the lifeguard.

I surrender my beer after only one sip and wander out into the incredibly warm and calm Atlantic Ocean. I hop onto my board and am surprised at how unsteady I feel. I mentally make a note of my current location and attempt to paddle down the beach. It takes me almost 30 minutes to really get the hang of this. After another 20 minutes or so I return to the beach. Dad and Grandmother are drunk. Ugh, old people.

I quickly return the board and sit down to join them. My original beer has been commandeered and I have to open a new one. My Dad wants to talk about death and the afterlife, which seems a little dark, but I just go with it. After what seems like only a few minutes we are interrupted by the young lifeguard because it’s time for him to put the beach chairs away. Since my Dad will not sit on the sand and my grandmother cannot sit on the sand we head back up to the condo.

This time I find myself in charge of the cooler, my grandmother, and the beach bag. My Dad walks beside us with my grandmother’s walker flung over his shoulder. The walker is flying all over the place while I navigate the very fine sand and wind with hand-fulls of hair in my eyes and mouth. Eventually the walker swings in the wrong direction and connects with my Grandmother’s head. She is immediately mad and calls my Dad an idiot. Now my Dad is mad too. I cannot muster an eye roll big enough to express how I am feeling right now.   

Back in the condo we all retreat to our personal bathrooms to clean up. The shower is awesome and I don on beach outfit number 2. It takes a while for my Dad and Grandmother to wander back into the common area. Once we reconvene my Dad decides that me and him are going to go pick up seafood for dinner while my Grandmother relaxes at the condo. This is fine with me, so we hop in the truck and head over to the Crab Trap.

It definitely looks like Spring Break 1995 in this place. The Crab Trap is a multiple level restaurant with at least one bar for each level. My Dad and I grab a stool at the first bar we see. We grab two draft beers and a to-go menu. My Dad proceeds to order a lot of food. I feel like it’s probably too much, but we are from the south and an abundance of food is how we show love (also, I just go with the flow). As we wait for our food it becomes clear that Dad is still mad about Grandmother calling him an idiot. Frankly, I’m on her side, but I know enough not to argue. I listen patiently and am silently grateful for our awesome condo and the cooler full of beer.

Back at the condo, we dump an enormous pile of seafood onto the center of the kitchen table and dig in. This is pretty fun and we actually eat a lot more than I thought. As we are slowing down my Grandmother announces that she has lost a crown on one of the crab legs (this is not surprising as she was biting directly into them this entire time). For some unknown reason, I find this hilarious and can not stop laughing. Luckily everyone else joins in. Just as the laughter dies down I find the crown on the table. I can’t believe this happening; I continue to laugh uncontrollably.

After a long dinner we all hang around the kitchen table until it’s time for bed. It’s pretty early for me, so I watch some TV in my bedroom and eventually drift off to sleep. Tomorrow is our last full day of birthday celebration fun. 

My Grandmother's first staycation

Sunday, September 18th, 2016

Los Angeles, CA / Destin, FL

It’s 5am PST and I am waking up for my flight to Florida to celebrate my grandmother’s 90^th birthday! I am way tired, but if I miss this flight my Dad will kill me. I drag myself out of bed, brush my teeth, and climb into my travel clothes (which border on pajamas). By 6am I am at LAX for my 7am flight.

The flight to Florida is uneventful. I have a layover in Atlanta, since there are no direct flights. I am tired, but I am also losing 2 hours of the day due to the time difference, so I will go to bed 2 hours early.

Eventually I arrive in Pensacola, FL at 3:30 pm CST. My Dad is waiting for me outside of the airport in his truck and my 90 old Grandmother is sitting in the back seat. They insist that I sit in the front and I can tell that there has already been at least one fight. I hop into the front seat and we are off!

At the last minute this family vacation for 5 turned into a vacation of 3. Sadly my Mom had to stay in Texas to take care of my other grandmother who recently had a heart attack. My brother is staying in Texas too. Nonetheless, I am happy and had completely forgotten how hilarious my Grandmother can be.

Once we arrive in Destin we decide to go to the grocery store to buy food to cook for dinner. My Grandmother insists on waiting in the car, so my Dad and me reluctantly enter the store. We buy a basket full of groceries, which includes steak and broccoli for dinner and a few different kinds of breakfast food. Eventually we make our way back to our condo for the next 3 nights. My Grandmother lives in an assisted living facility down the street, however, my Dad has rented an awesome beach condo for the next 4 days so that we can all stay together and my Grandmother, at age 90, can enjoy her first staycation.

When we finally arrive at the condo, it turns out that it’s not actually facing the ocean. Instead it’s facing a row of other condos. We all try to be cheerful though and start settling in for the night. I take a quick walk down to the beach and catch the tail end of an amazing sunset. Next I sit in the living room with Grandmother, while my Dad cooks us dinner. After a fulfilling meal we all hang around the kitchen table for a few hours drinking wine and talking.

Finally, around 10pm we decide to call it a night. My Dad and I have to share a bathroom, but we are both good sports about it. My Grandmother is sleeping in the master suite with a very large bathtub, with hot tub-style jets. She jokes about getting stuck in tub and we all laugh.

Once I finally get shower access, I am exhausted. I run through my bedtime routine in a half-drunken daze and am asleep before my head hits the pillow.

Tomorrow is our beach day. I am super excited!

Touch the English Channel. Check.

Sunday, July 24^th, 2016

Hastings, UK

It’s 9am BST and I am waking up for my first (and last) full day in Hastings. Today is Pirate Day and it’s pretty much what you think it is. People dress like pirates and day drink... I can not freaking wait.

I have a full day to explore, so I start out with a quick run on the path by the sea. It’s not too crowded and the weather is amazing (sunny and cold). I end my run at a rocky beach and actually walk up to the water and put my hand in. I have a sudden urge to add “Touch the English Channel” to my bucket list so that I can cross it off. 

I am feeling accomplished as I slow jog back to my flat. After my post-run shower, I officially start the day with French pressed coffee and some unidentifiable British soap operas. I eat toast with jam for breakfast and am ready to head into town.

I start my day in New Town. My plan is to explore, shop, and hopefully purchase something that looks piratey. There is a mall and a ton of stores, but I cannot find any interesting clothes to buy. All of the stores look like TJ Maxx inside. I am disappointed, but I also understand that small town charm comes at a cost. After about an hour of looking around I decide to head over to Old Town. This is the home of Pirate Fest.

As I approach the arch separating Old Town from New Town I can already hear the festivities. There is a small, open-air market where I buy a pirate themed bandana and large purse with an elephant on it. Old Town is filled people and the bars are overflowing.

I decide to check out The Stade (a really rocky beach) on the outskirts of Old Town. The Stade is home to the largest beach launched fishing fleet in Europe. It's littered with old, but functional, fishing boats. Next to them is a fish market (mostly closed) and area of multi-colored storage shacks. This entire area is very run down and terribly picturesque. It has a grungy charm that seems to be lost on the locals.  

Next stop is the East Hill, which overlooks Old Town and The Stade. I take the funicular up, it’s only a short distance, but my feet are starting to hurt. The view at the top is amazing. There is a lone vendor selling ice cream and I am so charmed by everything that I cannot help but buy some. I spend the next hour or so walking around the East Hill, which is mostly nature, and taking selfies. The light up here is amazing.

Eventually I make my way back down to Old Town. I keep playing with the idea of going inside one of the bars for a beer, but I can’t really find a good place to sit. It is very crowded. Eventually I settle for making a few laps through town and then heading over to the grocery store. Determined to live like a local I purchase some groceries to cook in my flat. I also grab some beer that I have never heard of. My feet are very, very tired and my plan is to walk back up to my flat, eat a late lunch and then go back to Pirate Fest. As soon as I arrive, however, I realize that I am done for the day. My feet are exhausted. I can see the festival out of my front window and that is good enough for me.

I make my dinner and open up my Pirate Day beer. It’s not great, but I am going to power through it on principal. I spend the next few hours Skyping with friends and family from home. Once I am done with my calls I settle in to complete my binge watching of Bloodline. I have one more week of work in Battle before I fly back to Los Angeles.